I always assure myself that someday everything will figure out. The way I imagined things to be, I don’t know. And it has been the same fighting mantra I’ve patiently hold on to in the last two years since leaving the academic environment and plunging head on to the “real world.”
The real world —- a quarter of “what do I do with my life,” another of “shit, I wasn’t prepared for this,” a pint of “why am I here again,” and a full bite of “I am young, wild and free.”
Sometimes I’d really rather take advice from a fortune cookie yanked straight out of the retreat counselor’s cookie jar, than listen to myself skip along and down the rabbit hole.
But sometimes I think I just might be another egoistic, twenty-something full of hopes, dreams and love for the future I see myself in. Self-absorbed and insecure, I am often told by my Father (in all the glory and wisdom of an almost senior citizen) to chase my happiness while I can afford to and to make mistakes while my age can forgive such.
To what extent? “When you no longer question ‘why’ over and over again,” he says in a tone so calm, so sure.
Perhaps it’s time to go back to the basics and remember what made me feel alive in moments of deep confusion and expectation. And upon always, I am fronted by the demons of self-doubt who push me to reflect: what exactly am I doing with my life?
I’m just 22, yet why do I feel so mediocre about my decisions?
Wala lang. Sana PMS lang talaga ito.